my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Randomize
