No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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