Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
