Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
