Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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