So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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