There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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