Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
