i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
