Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
