And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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