Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
