he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
