He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
