..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
