They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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