You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
