One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
