Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
