Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
