Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
