Do you still have your period?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
