Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
