I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
