I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
