I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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