I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
