i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm experimenting with sincerity
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
