The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
