so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
