I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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