Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
