Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'd cum for enchiladas.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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