i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
