Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
