just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
