Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
