Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
