every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
