I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
