So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
