Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
