The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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