Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
