im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
