So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
