I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
