some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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