I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
