i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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