I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We had to coat check the pizza.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
