dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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