You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
