I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
