just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
