We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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