So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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