I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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