i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
