I just made out with a guy for $7.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
