Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
