She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize