just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
