I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
