id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
