Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
