Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize