he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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