that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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