the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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