Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Welp...herpes.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize